


Bad days

by Solovei



Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Factor (Comics)
Genre: Depression, Layla only shows up for a second, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, References to Columbo (TV series), Set before Rictor gets his powers back, Shatterstar is kind of an idiot, Sofa cuddles, Television Watching, X-Factor Investigations, sorry if I get their personalities wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solovei/pseuds/Solovei
Summary: The bad days are the days you wonder "Why me?" and the good days are days you are too busy to wonder that.





	Bad days

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adustyspectacle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adustyspectacle/gifts).



_I should probably join him_ , Rictor thinks every morning as he registers Shatterstar waking up for training at the break of dawn. The sounds are now familiar to him - the shuffling of fabric, the opening of the window, the soft _thump_ of a landing on the pavement outside - so much so that he doesn't wake up, merely builds his sleep around them.

 _One day_ , he tells himself. But today is not that day. Today Rictor feels the whole weight of the earth on his shoulders, and not in a way that he used to. He feels heavy and grounded in an unpleasant way, like he was pinned to the surface of a sheer rock face. It’s all wrong, like someone is playing a cruel joke on him. How many times did he dream that he would simply wake up one day and his powers would be back, just like that? _This is what I get_ , Rictor tells himself as he shuffles downstairs, takes a swig of milk from the carton, and falls backwards onto the sofa in the rec room. _This is what I get for being stupid._ There is a dull ache in all of his limbs; he cannot find a cause for it.

For a few minutes, Rictor lays there in silence, trying to will some kind of energy into his body. The building seems quiet. Briefly, he wonders what everyone else is doing, but no, he doesn’t want to go there, doesn’t want to give himself even more stuff to feel sorry about. Soon he stops wondering and turns on the TV. 

Rictor lets his thoughts meander as he flicks through midmorning lifestyle and talk shows. They don't go far, just keep circling like hungry carrion birds, waiting for him to give in. It's taking all his energy not to, with nothing left for things like ‘eating’ or ‘getting dressed’.

He tries to focus on whatever show he landed on. A woman with a bleached-white smile is demonstrating the correct way to plant an herb garden. He watches her hands as she makes small indents in mounds of potting soil, and dammit, he told himself he wouldn’t, but it’s too late, he’s remembering. Remembering what it felt like to sense the entire earth moving underneath him, to feel it in his skin and in his bones. But the more he remembers it the more obvious the numbness becomes, until he’s ready to punch himself in the face to feel something, anything--

He hears the window close upstairs - he had left it open for Star to climb back up, giving up the hope that someday he might use the front door like a normal person. 

Inevitably, if there is a working television, the odds are great that Shatterstar will appear in front of it. Rictor doesn't need to be a mutant to hear him lightly hopping down the stairs, full of energy and smelling like sunshine. 

“Julio! You're awake! I thought perhaps we could visit the Zoological Park today,” he says as he ambles into the room. 

“You go ahead, I …. I don't think I can go anywhere today. Maybe Jamie can take you,” Rictor says. His voice sounds alien to his own ears. 

Shatterstar leans against the back of the sofa, looking him over. “You don’t appear injured. Are you ill?” 

“Something like that… ” 

“Do you need assistance?” 

He tears his gaze away from the TV; the honest concern in Shatterstar’s face makes him smile, like opening a curtain on a dark room. “Wouldn't mind company…”

\---

They settle in for a _Columbo_ marathon. Shatterstar is stretched out like a cat, wedged in between the back of the sofa and Rictor’s side. Rictor doesn’t know how many detective shows ‘Star has watched, so he explains the premise just in case. 

“See, he solves crimes. That’s his job. But he’s just this old guy, you know?” 

“Like you, right?” 

“What? _Madre de dias_ , Star, I’m barely over 30!” 

“You solve crimes…. Here, yes? With Jamie and the others.” 

“Oh, well yeah… kind of, I guess. Though I think they do most of the work.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s nice of them to let me tag along at least, after I....” He trails off. Why say it, when everyone can see it? 

When Terry walks past half an hour later, Star is outright laying on top of him, and it would be uncomfortable if he weren’t so light. Rictor tries to concentrate on the warmth of his body, the steady rate of his breathing. The dull ache he had been feeling since this morning keeps trying to reassert itself, but he is doing his best to ignore it. Terry says something about going out to run errands, and Rictor makes a half-hearted gesture of goodbye with the one hand. 

Rictor squints at the TV as the credits roll. “So... did she kill her husband? Is that the ending?” 

Shatterstar shifts slightly, stretching his legs over the arm of the sofa. “No, I think…. I think the vice-president did it? And then made it seem like she was the one.”

“You mean he framed her?”

Now it’s Shatterstar’s turn to look confused. 

“You know, like… when you frame someone, it means you blame them for something they didn’t do,” Rictor explains. 

“Oh, I see. Thank you, Julio.” 

”Sure thing.” 

Just past the window, a large tentacle emerges from a manhole cover, writhing in place for a solid minute before Jamie realizes what is happening and runs outside, dropping his cereal, not bothering to call to Rictor or Shatterstar still on the couch. They continue watching _Columbo_. Star complains that he is getting tired and sits up. Rictor, deprived of he comforting body heat, moves over to lean his head against his chest. There are screams outside, but they don’t hear them over a commercial for pick-up trucks.

\---

“Have you two moved since I last came in here?” Terry’s voice asks from the door, arms laden with paper grocery bags.

“Nope.” Rictor replies, idly running his hand through his boyfriend’s fiery locks. He kind of misses the long hair, but he’s not complaining. 

Shatterstar raises his head slightly. “Actually, you got up to use the bathroom... three episodes ago. The one with the bank heist.”

“Right. Yeah,” Rictor concurs. He doesn’t turn around to see Terry roll her eyes.

“Anyway, what’s all that outside? There’re monster bits all over the road, I had a hell of a time trying to park,” Terry’s annoyed voice reaches them from the kitchen. Rictor shrugs, forgetting that she cannot see him doing so. But, this…. This is nice, he thinks. He could almost drift off like this, in a tangle of limbs and couch cushions, formulaic mystery episodes droning on in the background. He can feel his eyes getting heavy; he hones in on the imperceptibly quiet sound of Star’s breathing, lets it guide him toward something resembling sleep. He pretends that nothing else exists apart from them, and this sofa, and the TV. Everything else is a blank white screen, holding both everything and nothing. 

“Julio…” Shatterstar whispers.

“Mm?”

“Are you awake?”

“Shh… just… just don’t move.” 

‘Star presses his forehead to Rictor’s in a silent but meaningful gesture.

\----

He wakes up some time later. _Columbo_ is no longer on the screen, but there is a brightly-lit kitchen and lots of close-ups on things in frying pans and pots boiling. ‘Star must’ve changed the channel. The food on the screen is reminding Rictor that he hadn’t eaten anything today. 

“Hey… ‘Star…” he begins slowly, voice still heavy with sleep. “I was thinking…” 

His boyfriend seems to be even more transfixed than usual. “This programme is fascinating. So much attention paid to the simple act of acquiring nutrition.” 

“Well… I guess that’s what humans do, isn’t it?” Rictor says, chuckling. “We make stuff complicated.” 

“This is very true.” Star says with a nod which looks wise and intelligent, but Rictor knows he just copied from _Karate Kid_. “I think being around humans has made me more complicated, too? But, I don’t think I’d want to go back to how it was, before,” he explains.

It’s rare for Shatterstar to be waxing poetic, and Rictor suddenly realizes how caught up he’d been in his own shit. He sighs and squeezes him tightly. 

Just then, Layla walks by and throws a can of soda in their direction without looking. 

Shatterstar catches it expertly, pops open the tab, and hands it to Rictor. He smiles and kisses ‘Star’s forehead. 

\---

During a commercial break, ‘Star turns his gaze away from the TV. “Julio, I never asked, what manner of ailment is this?”

“Ah, well um. It's like… You know you’re really good at your thing, right?”

“I am quite skilled, yes.”

“Well, imagine if one day you couldn’t do that anymore.”

“Then I’d find something else to do.” 

Rictor laughs, but not in a happy way. He didn’t really expect ‘Star to get it, especially when he barely understands or wants to acknowledge it himself. “It’s alright amigo,” he says, pulling himself up to kiss at his jaw. “I’m just glad you’re here.” 

“So… are you well, now?” 

“I’m better, yeah.” 

Their moment doesn’t last long however, before Jamie wanders in, swearing under his breath and covered in… something Rictor would rather not guess at. He falls onto the other end of the couch, groaning as his hands cover his face.

“Something the matter, Jamie?” Shatterstar asks from his perch on Rictor’s lap. 

“Oh, no, I’ll just fight a giant sewer-dwelling tentacle monster BY MYSELF, thanks,” Jamie snaps. “Guido and I could’ve used your help.” 

“There was a tentacle monster?” Rictor echoes. “I guess we missed it. Why didn’t you yell or something?”

“It was RIGHT THERE!” Jamie gestures to the window directly behind the screen.

“Well, _Columbo_ was on, so…” Rictor begins. 


End file.
